Humanity's Paradox

I have no reason to have the feeling of disappointment that I do, for upon what is it based? However, my increasing displeasure with the conduct of our species has me greatly concerned. I cannot dedicate my life to self interested matters, but I cannot dedicate it to a humanity who's nature seems to be progressively inhumane. 
For what do I strife and struggle? 
Since the years in which I became aware of my emotivity I have been denying the darkness that dwells within me on account of the darkness that is with out me. I can deny this no longer, for my nature is changing. I am on the cusp of a transformation that this system is trying to hold me back from, constantly reinforcing the notion that change does not come from the actions of the honourable, but of the dishonourable. The paradoxical nature of the inhumanity of humanity leaves me confounded, so, atop this fence I sit, trying to discern which field looks greenest. 
It is a question of finding the outlet which allows me transform my darkness into the production of light. But this quest will take a lifetime, something that just does not sit well with the instant-gratification programming that has been superimposed upon my brain. So, what happens during the in-between years? 
I guess I'll just keep dancing.